thoughts...

So here are the random things floating around in my mind over the past few days....

If you don't already know, I love Christmas. Not a little, but a lot. It was starting to rain two days ago on my way to class. When I pulled into the parking garage, my windshield had the "perfect" sprinkling of little drops. Everytime I drove under a light it was amazing. It was like a million tiny twinkle lights were lighting up just for me...incredible.

Mmm...I love Oreos for sentimental reasons. My grandfather got me started on them. So I have recently changed my method of eating oreos. (if you love oreos, you know everyone has a method) I have started opening my oreo, eating half of the stuffing, eating the blank side, then eating the side with the left over stuffing. I don't know why, but this works great for me. How do you eat your oreos? And no, I don't mean with milk...(I don't like milk).

Ahh, the end of semester yuck is here. Looking forward to it ending. Really, Really looking forward to Christmas.

Today, I was driving with my sunroof open, because it is 70ish here today (sad), and all of the sudden there was this breeze that blew a bunch of leaves off the trees and of course some of them decided to visit my car...it was exciting.

Last, and most repetitively, I can not wait to move to Boston. I really really want to be there. I can't wait to live there. It will be nice to say I am done with college....

Merry Christmas!!! (I am sending out Christmas cards today!!)
P.S. I am so glad that we BEAT THE HELL OUTTA t.u. on Friday!! Whoop!

adoption...

Adoption...I have known for a long time that I want to adopt. Tonight I realized that on a much more serious level. I am not at an appropriate place in my life to do that now, but I am committing to adoption in the future. It is beyond my comprehension that there is a child out there, or there will be, that was created for me to parent. I don't know how you feel about God, but as a Christian, I believe that God has a very special plan for my life. To know that he created someone for me to love, to raise, to teach is incredible. It is such a huge responsibility, such a huge blessing. I can't wait to hold the one that He made for me to love. I can't wait to be a Mommy. I know it isn't the most glamorous job, but it is truly an invaluable opportunity. There is a song called "All I Really Want" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I can't imagine that first Christmas with my child. I know there will be no way to fully express my love. I can't wait.

Mmmm life is good!

I must say right now I am loving life. On that note, here are a list of things I love (listed randomly):
1. Snow
2. Having freshly painted fingers and toes
3. Bubble baths
4. Pedicures
5. Sunny days
6. Reading for pleasure
7. Traveling
8. Shopping
9. Teaching
10. Cameron and Gage ("my" kids that I keep frequently)
11. Love Songs (even though I don't have anyone to play them for)
12. Sleeping Late
13. Boston
14. Cuddling
15. Waking up in the morning and not having to rush off and having time to lay in bed for a bit
16. Decorating
17. My friends
18. Cooking
19. Christmas
20. My family
21. Gilmore Girls (or at least seasons 1-6 of GG)
22. Pink
23. Getting gifts
24. Hot chocolate
25. Long drives on beautiful Texas roads
26. Candles
27. Children's books
28. Being Loved
29. Saying 'I love you'...especially when it is returned
30. Bubblewrap
31. Coloring
32. Being creative
33. Aggie Football
34. Dr.Pepper
35. Baseball (Rangers and the Red Sox)
36. Texas A&M University!! Whoop!!
37. Movies
38. Being HOME
39. Sudoku
40. Being taken care of
41. "Mothering"
42. School Supplies
43. Classic Art
44. Going to the park to swing
45. Watching Stars at night...
46. Flip Flops
47. Rain
48. Pillows
49. Flowers (especially getting them!)
50. Dreaming
51. Dressing up
52. Naps
53. Coming home to a clean house
54. Pajamas
55. Purses
56. Shoes
57. Twinkle Lights
58. The way Cami's face looks when she says "I Love You"


That is all I have time for now, but maybe I will add more later! Have a great night :)

happy with me....

I think that at least once in their life, everyone wishes they were someone else. I have many times. Yesterday, I realized that I finally am who I have wanted to be for so long. Yes, there are somethings I would change, but none of them are truly important. I like who I am. I am in a good place. Things are not perfect, but they are good. I can certainly work with good. :) I like that I am good with who I am that I am finally who I want to be. Not who I think I should be, or who others think I should be. Its a good feeling. I am good with me no matter who is or isn't in my life. No matter what I am working on or where I am. I like that. Have an amazing night...

just wanted to say...

...That I think it is rude of my roommate to ask "why are YOU at home? ". Yeah... News flash, I live here too.

what?

I didn’t think I would every truly be at a loss for words. Until now. I am completely bewildered and don’t know what to think. This morning I got a message from someone I used to be close to but haven’t spoken to in over a year. Someone I never really expected to talk to ever again. I am shocked. I don’t really understand. Why now, why today? Why this morning? What changed? I wasn’t enough before why would I be now? I am so confused. I don’t understand why this is happening. What made her want to suddenly apologize and try and make things right? Is she just playing some kind of joke on me? Is she only doing this because someone else, like her parents, her sister or her fiancée, said she should? How do I know it is real and genuine? How can I trust her after so long? I am so completely blown away by this sudden communication that I truly am befuddled. I know that sounds stupid, but it is true…I just don’t know.

To end, I just want to say that it is amazing how much better time with friends can make you feel!! Yea! The rest of my night is going to be devoted to math....

Why are some people idiots??

A prime example for this is my roommate. She has no common sense. Really. I know she is in college, but she is just dumb. I look at her when she talks and wonder, "do you know what is coming out of your mouth? Do you know how stupid you are making yourself sound??" AHHHHHHHHH!! There are really no words to express my frustration. This are what I can express now...
1. leaving coffee in the coffee maker until it molds and I find it is DISGUSTING and INEXCUSABLE.

2. bring a pet that I am allergic to into the house is not okay.

3. Don't leave wet clothes in the washer for long periods of time...they get NASTY and other people need to use the machine...

and finally...
4. STUPID if it is cold outside, OF COURSE the air condition isn't going to run, which will OF COURSE lower the electricity bill.

She is such a genius. I don't think I have met many people with her level, or lack thereof, of understanding...seriously. Use your brain that is why God gave it to you.

Moving on. I went shopping today!! Whoop!! New clothes are always great. I am loving that Christmas is getting so close!! Have a great day!!

Today I met a really nice guy. We flirted. He asked to sit next to me during the production we were waiting for. We sat together. And in the middle of the production (for lack of a better word) I cough and cough...I hate having a cold. Anyway, I would be willing to bet he would have asked me out if I had not coughed up a right lung. Sad. I hate that I missed that chance b/c I couldn't help being sick.

Now I am going to go write a paper on social injustice....Have a nice day.

Today...

Today was crazy....I went to work and I swear to you that someone gave the kids like a million sugar cubes each. Our kids usually just sit around and polish their halos. Today I think they could have run a 26 mile marathon and still had way to much energy to sit still for even 2 seconds without flailing about and screaching in a high pitched wail. After work I came home and took a nap which was amazing. I really need to regain some sanity after being in the "war zone". I went and bought a new tv tonight since my other one died. Way exciting!! Even better, I had one of my friends and her husband help...well basically, Josh did all the work...It was great. He even threw the old one away for me. Anyway, I am going to go. Have a great night!!

Goodbye Dr Gates...

I got an email in my inbox this morning that made me very sad. Dr. Robert Gates is leaving his position as President of Texas A&M University. I love Dr. Gates. Although he did not graduate from A&M, he is a true Aggie. There is a saying among Aggies, "From the outside looking in, you can't understand it; From the inside looking out, you can't explain it." Dr. Gates has managed, in four years, to do what millions do not accomplish in a lifetime. He came as an outsider and got it. He is a true Aggie. It hurts my heart to think of A&M without Dr. Gates. I realize that he is leaving to serve our country, but a part of me wants to be selfish and keep him right here in Aggieland. I deeply admire his integrity and commitment for standing up and fighting for what he believes in. I love that he as a president of this university fought for us as students, not just the fiscal interests. I could go on forever. Basically, Dr. Gates (he will always be Dr. Gates to me) is amazing and this country is unbelieveibly lucky to have him in its service. Aggieland is a better place because of him and will miss him immensely. Go Gig 'Em Dr. Gates!! We love you! Whoop!!

P.S. I am sorry for my freak out the other day. That is my one big fear and I sort of let it get out of control momentarily. I know I will never be able to be enough for my students. I just hope that I can help them to be better people, help them to have a better life than they would have had without having met me.

What then???

Today, in one of my classes, my professor came in upset. Apparently someone in my class has made some accusations that are completely off base. Stupid things like claiming we were given 4 walks, when really we've only had one. The fact that this one walk was due to intense illness on the part of my professor apparently was of no consequence. Due to these pathetic "charges" my professor is in trouble. She is really a great prof and does her best to teach us what we need to know with out boring us to death. I can't imagine why anyone would complain. If you have been to college, you know that most people are ready to get out of class ASAP. Especially if the class lasts for three hours. I am thankful that I have profs who understand that and try to keep the class as unboring and relative as possible. I don't comprehend how the person could have benefited from sending these unfounded emails out. Why be so mean?

I think I am so concerned about this because I have chosen to become a teacher myself. I know that I might, and probably will, have to deal with parents and maybe students like these. This breaks my heart. Why should people create issues where there are none? Why persecute someone just because you don't like them or their personality? Maybe this is some sort of profession prejudice...It scares me that I can do all that can possibly be done for students and still have parents say that I don't do my job correctly or that I am not doing my job at all. What do you do then? "Teacher instinct" says self evaluate, get peer evaluations and if everything is right forget it and move on; if it isn't, fix it and move on. I know that that isn't always good enough in the real world. What do you do when it isn't enough? When you have poured all of yourself into something completely and it isn't enough, isn't good enough, what then? This scares me to death. I think that that is my biggest fear in regard to teaching; the fear that I won't be enough, won't be effective enough for my students. That I will in some way fail them as an educator, as a protector, as someone who truly has their best interest at heart. What if I am not enough?

This stinks...

So I come home tonight after a LONG day (school, school, work, substitue parenting) and turn on my tv for some background noise while I do homework. Things are great for like ten minutes and then my tv goes mute. I figure it is an issue with my cable and it will fix itself in a bit and continue to work. After fifteen minutes I realize it still has not come back on and that there is no sound on any of the channels. Turning off the tv sounds good. Until it doesn't come back on...so now, there is not only no sound, but no picture....I have had the tv for a year give or take a month....AAARRRGGGHHHH. Apparently I will be going to buy a new tv soon...or asking my parents to go buy one...Stink!!

I think I am probably most upset by this "event" due to the fact that I am not feeling well and was really looking forward to taking some benadryl and watching a movie in bed before falling into the drug induced coma. Sad.

Thoughts on the weekend...

Okay so this weekend was crazy...
My thoughts are...
1. Yea! I got to wear my new scarf on Friday!!
2. I am also excited about having gotten a haircut on Friday!
3. I am not excited about the small tidbit of hair that fell into my right eye and caused major problems...
4. Christmas shopping!!...Enough said!!!
5. Exhaustion!!
6. I hate it when creepy salesmen hit on you...
7. I love my Mom, but I am not so fond of the cold or whatever she gave me over the weekend...

All in all, it was a good weekend. I was glad to go home and see my Mom and youngest brother, although I wish I could have seen my Dad (Opening weekend is a standing appointment however...). So, now I am tired after driving the four hours back to CS in the rain and yuck. I hope you have an amazing week!!