My first real posting!

So, earlier I was just rambling. What I said is true, I just need to say something. Anyway, so I have been wanting to create a page for awhile, I just haven't had time or the motivation. Tonight evading studying was enough of an incentive. I like the thought that I can let out my thoughts to no one in particular and it doesn't really matter. I don't care if no one reads it, or if millions of people read this. I am doing it for me. :) I like the way that sounds. It is good to do something completely for yourself every once and awhile. Like getting a pedicure...Girls out there will understand. Today wasn't a gold star day. Not quite a red star day (i prefer blue or green in the absence of gold), but definately not gold. Sometimes I just get tired of the responsibilites. I get tired of things going wrong. I don't know why I am not more greatful. I have been abundantly blessed. Still, I yearn for perfection. I want a million red jelly belly days. I am so crazy. Most people would look at my life and say, "What's wrong there?" I would love to have that life. I love my life, but sometimes I wish it was different, not more or less just different. I don't like stagnation. I love change and after I have been doing the same thing for so long I want to do something different. I am in that place now. Hmm. So I have spent three hours in the library "studying", I have less than an hour left and I have done nothing truly productive. Do you ever feel like your life is like that? That no matter how busy you are, your life is never truly productive? I go throught that sometimes. Now, I know the answer to this, I hold in my hand actually, but have quit utilizing it. What is wrong with me?? Sometimes I think I need to be slapped so I will wake up. Anyway, I need to go be productive....Have a great night!! XOXO