Ruminating...

Hey! So I went to dinner with the girls tonight...such fun. When I got home, I had a friend request waiting on facebook. A friend from a long time ago. His sister and I used to be really good friends. So I went to check out his myspace page and of course she is there too...She is married now and expecting, and extremely blessed. I have so many people that I knew from highschool that are now married and either have kids or will soon. I am so happy for them. I am glad they are happy, at least I hope they are. But there is always that tug that says "I want that too". Usually I just push it away, but tonight I am going to let it linger. It makes me sad that there isn't anything I can do to make it happen. It is amazing how complicated and multi-layered human emotion is. I truly want to be married. I want to have children. I want to be a mommy. I want someone to hold me, someone to support me. At the same time, I realize now probably isn't the time for it. I know that if that came now, my life would be completely different that what it would be other wise. I suppose to an extent that this is true of whatever age you marry, but it seems that the last 3 years and maybe the two is when that will be most true. Amazing huh. It is like a war inside myself...the urge to be in a relationship, to be married vs. the sensible decision to wait. I don't understand and can't explain. Although, since I don't really have guys just lining up to ask me out, the issue is more an issue of desire than reality...I don't know, all I know is that tonight is one of those night that I just want to be held...
Have a great night.