Wednesday, July 12, 2006

the circus life....

Last night I went to the Ringling Brothers and B.B. Circus. Seeing as how I hadn't been since I was two (on my 2nd birthday!) I was kind of expecting to be bored. But, I wasn't!!! It was great. I had a lot of fun with my friends. It was really a wonderful experience. I will definately be taking my children to the circus when I have kids. (some day)
Tonight I read a quote on a friends facebook "Right now, I'm so in love with God that nothing else matters." I'm not there. I want to be, but I am not. That makes me sad. The human part of me just wants to throw in the towel and forget it. The spirit within me is calling me to something higher, something holier. I don't know if any one out there has heard the illustration of the two dogs warring inside you....if you haven't you won't understand. My two natures are at war. My deepest desires are definatelty God given. I feel that within the core of who I am. I know these desires like an artist knows his work. Even when the shallow, worthless stuff gets in the way, I hear these longings calling out. "Deep calling deep" definately descibes this. You know, I don't know why I disregard seeking out what I know is truly valuable in life, mainly my salvation and sharing that with the people in my life. I guess the selfish part of me finds it easier to do things on my own, the way I want to do it. I am so headstrong and independent that I want to do things my way. I want them done on my time. I know that isn't how life works. But still I persist in my foolishness. There is nothing more to say, except that all that is left for me to get on my knees and confess. Then to allow the Lord to lead me back to where he wants me. I quite honestly thing I am truly terrified of this. But He is my life. I must trust Him.
What is interesting is that all of this introspection was brought about by a picture of someone I admire very much. Someone I have very little contact, but whom I am very much impressed by. That person will probably never know how much they have impacted me. I may never talk to them again, but I am thankful for the connection I have to them.
I hope that you have an amazing day.

No comments: