Gotta Love Those Weekends!!

I wish you could see me now. I am doing my "I am sooo happy I can sleep late tomorrow" dance!! I am sure this is a sight that would inspire much laughter...You know, I don't even mind that I have to spend my whole weekend and all my time until next Wednesday studying for a calculus test. I am just excited about not having an alarm clock...(aka my cell phone)...waking me up! I never fail to get ecstatic about this. It ALWAYS makes my day!! (Which is esp. great tonight b/c I had VERY little sleep last night.) Yay for weekends and sleeping late and then laying in bed!! Gotta love it!

Anyway, I wanted to tell you something I love about being an Aggie. I love that every weekend during football season and some other important weekends through out the year, a magical event occurs. These events are lovingly referred to as a "tent sale". I know, for non-aggies, it sounds like a hick event. But, it isn't so much. I am so thankful that C.C. Creations does this. I love getting great Aggie shirts for SO cheap. This is especially great for someone who is trying to stock up on long sleeve Aggie t-shirts and sweatshirts before moving to a cold city far away from College Station. It is exciting. I am pretty sure I will have enough Aggie apparel to last for quite a while. So nice.

My last note of the day is this:
Hot off the Press!!! BOTH of my teams won tonight!! The Rangers beat Seattle 5-2 and the Red Sox beat the Angels 10-1. So exciting. I love my baseball!! Especially when we win. :) If you ever come visit me in Boston, I will take you to a Sox game (if they are playing and you care to go..) So to end this, good night and Go Sox!! Let's Go Rangers!!

Snow in April!!!

My phone rang this morning. At work. My voice mail answered. I get off work and see I have a voicemail. I call, and low and behold, it is from my Mom. You won't believe what she had to say. She was calling to tell me to bring home winter clothes. Not to store. To WEAR!!! Yes my friends, it is supposed to SNOW this weekend!! I am filled with JOY DOWN IN MY HEART, DEEP, DEEP DOWN IN MY HEART!!! The Aggie in me says "Whoop!!". I am so excited. I love this. It will be magnificent. Yay for real winter weather. What a foretaste of glory divine!!! Just wanted to share the joy. Maybe the excitement will help those of you who have been sick feel better too.

It's Here!!

It it finally here!! It came last night! I have my new laptop!! It works great and it is so much bigger than I envisioned it being!! I love it. I even love the Vista stuff now that I got the wireless stuff on campus worked out. This is so fun! I am sitting here in the Annex listening to Rascal Flatts and blogging. So fun. It makes studying a little more interesting. I just wanted to tell everyone how excited I was! Hope you are having an amazing day!!

Meet the Robinsons

Friday I went to go see Meet the Robinsons with Emma and Jax. It was great fun. The movie was in 3-D. We got goofy looking 3-D glasses to wear. It was great fun. Emma and Jax were amazed at how the glasses made things "come to me" according to Emma. I had to laugh at them repeatedly putting on and taking off their glasses to see the difference. As we were walking into the theatre Jax kept asking for his bugglegum. Too cute. Then afterwards, Jax told Jenn "the movie was wrong" (refering to the bluriness without the glasses!) I love these kids, they are so great!! The movie was great and of course, my favorite part was the dinosaur saying "I have a big head and little arms" So great!! I laughed and laughed. I highly recommend this movie! I will definately be buying it when it comes out on DVD.

Roommates!!!

God is soo good! I have been praying about where to live next year and who I should live with. I have been asking for great roommates. Jenn has been praying too! Guess what happened Friday night??!! I was laying down with Jax and Emma watching cartoons when my phone rang....and it was Julie. We love Julie. Julie was calling to ask me if I wanted to live with her and the other Julie and Bekah next year!! Yay! I was so excited. I love these girls!! It will be great to have good roommates who love the Lord and are seeking His will in their lives. I am so excited about this! What a huge blessing. What a huge answer to prayer!!

Termination of Spring Break and day 54...You have got to be joking...

As of today, spring break is just a memory...sad day. I was taking a nap this afternoon when my roommate and her live-in-whatever-he-is walked in. Normally this is enough to make me frown. Today I wanted to cry. I wake up to the sounds of them talking about buying a dog. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against dogs. Keeping Disney last week was delightful. It was great companionship....You must understand though, that my roommate already has a cat. A sadistic, evil, horribly behaved cat. I think this cat has a good heart but b/c my roommate ignores it, the cat has resorted to evil ploys for attention. And now they are going to get a dog?!! Please tell me they are just kidding. But no. They set there talking about the $600.00 they are going to spend on this dog and all the things they need to buy for it. My roommate isn't responsible enough with her money to pay her bills...much less pay them on time. Where are they getting this dog money from? Secondly, who is going to be taking care of this dog? Let me assure you that if it yeps in the middle of the night I will be really peeved. So now I am just praying that God will bring me out of this lease with my sanity intact and all in one piece. 54 more days to go and I already feel like I am about to fall apart. Please pray that I make it through this.

Also, please pray that I will have a more Godly attitude!!

Spring Break!!!!

It is Spring Break!!! Whoop for that! I cannot tell you the joy this brings to my heart. A whole week away from the craziness of textbooks, tests, mean professors, pointless assignments....the whole educational experience. I must admit that I do miss having a routine, but it was OH SO NICE to lay in bed (almost) all morning. Not having to get up and go to work and then class means that tomorrow I can sleep late and then go visit Target and other fun errands! What a nice change. I am so thankful for this break. I got to go to the library yesterday!!! I was so excited. Reading is my passion, but I can't allow myself the luxury during semesters because I will put off doing important things to read for pleasure. I can not tell you how nice it was to walk into the library and know that I really did have time to read books, and that I didn't have to walk in feeling guilty or drive by dreaming about all the lovely books inside that I am not reading. This is so much better! On top of all this greatness, I have gotten to spend some time with the fabulous Bacaks, which has been great. Oh yeah, I got to go home and see the parents and one of my brothers too. Spring Break is the greatest!!!

P.S. I hope your break was good too!

Intimacy/Isolation

I have had this on my mind all week. I am not good at this. I struggle with this. I am not accustomed to being intimate with people. I have maybe three friends that I know intimately. I dislike this. I know this is wrong and doesn't make God happy. I want to change this, but since I am so bad at it, I don't know how to be intimate. I hate feeling transparent and exposed. So, I am inviting you into my life. Please, get to know me. I need you to. If you make an effort to do this and I look like I ate a worm or I have something slimy climbing around inside me, it is my intense discomfort which means you are doing a great job! For so long I have been okay with being alone. God says no more!! It is so easy for me to shut myself off literally and figuratively. I live mostly alone and have mastered putting up a facade. Help me tear these down!! I want my life to glorify God and I can't do that in isolation.

And, NO, that is not me in the picture...last time I checked, I was not a boy...

Last Night's Gilmore

I don't know if you watch Gilmore Girls, but I must tell you I love that show. It is so much fun. My favorite episode is in season 5. I think that is my favorite season by far. I don't know though, six was really great too... Anyway, if you watch Gilmore girls, you are probably aware that this season has been some what of a let down...I am sad that Amy Sherman Pallidino (sp?) left. In Rory terms...Sad. However, last nights episode was DELIGHTFUL!! Now, this could be because I came home and watched it after a long, grueling test. It could be because I just really wanted to see some new Gilmore...(Whatever will we do when the show ends and there is no new Gilmore to be found??!!) But, I don't think this was the case. I was very pleasantly surprised by how good this episode was. And things went really well. There was some tension, if you watched, you know what I am talking about, (I don't' want to spoil it for Jenn, even though she won't see it for at least another year probably...) Anyway, I was suprised that they didn't save the resolution until next week's episode. I know Amy would have. But I liked the way it ended. However, I was sad that they used a new person for Mia. That made me sad.

I have to say though, that I wish Rory and Logan knew Jesus. I think they are a great couple and I really love their characters, but I would love them so much more if they loved Jesus. (I have to give Lorelai points for arguing for the Bible in last weeks episode, although she could have easily argued anyother religion with the same stance....) I wonder what Gilmore Girls with Jesus would look like....I think it would be funnier. It would be more applicable to me for one thing. And then people would see how much fun people who love Jesus really have. Rory and Lorelai would probably have more fun too, since they couldn't worry about anything since it is a sin...I hope there is a Gilmore Girls showing in heaven.....Basically, I just love Gilmore girls!

Spring Break!!

Spring Break is coming up!! Praise the Lord!! I was wondering what everyone's plans for the week are... I want to know what kind of fun things y'all are doing on your week off.

100th Post!!! and Supermoms :)

YEA!!!! This is my 100th post. That has got to warrant some kind of celebration, I am just not sure what...How exciting that you have been blessed with the ability to read 100 entries worth of my thoughts. You should jump up and down and do the happy dance! I am excited!! I love blogging. It is so much fun, especially since so many of the wonderful people I love are blogging too. This is just too cool.

Anyway, on to my real purpose for writing. Halei, I told you this WOULD be posted on the blog. Here it is....I wish I had a tape recorder of this conversation, because if I did, I would just type up the transcript for you to read. You would probably picture Halei and I sitting at our little table in the restarant (is that misspelled?) talking about this and laugh. I am pretty sure if anyone else had been in the room, they would have thought we were insane...

So tonight, after church Halei and I decided to go and have dinner. So we talked about A LOT of things. Work (we are cowokers!), school, discipline problems at work, uninvolved parents, how much we love Living Hope, etc, etc. Then we got to the important (at least for this post) part of the conversation.

We started talking about how much we LOVE our mentors and how great they are. We talked about how getting to be involved with their families is such a HUGE BLESSING. We decided that BOTH OUR MENTORS ARE SUPERMOMS. They are amazing. (Jenn, I love getting to learn from you, you amaze me.) We talked about how cool it is to see their families seeking God's will above all else, and that because of this, everything seems to fall into place. Halei and I decided that we are supermoms-in-training, or at least that is our desire.

So, Jenn, thank you for holding the Bacak School of Supermom Training! Thank you for letting me come into your home and your life and learn from you. I know you are impacting the future of my marriage and my role as a (super)mom. Thanks!!

Apartment Shopping...

This weekend I am apartment shopping! I am so excited. I can not tell you how excessively lovely it will be to have my own stuff back. This year I am living with someone who already had apartment stuff...or at least that is what I was lead to believe...I mean she has furniture...but our kitchen stuff is sorely lacking (at least I have my own bed and bath stuff...). I can not wait to have my own kitchen stuff back!! I have more kitchen stuff than some people who have been married for 10 years do. I have a lot of stuff...I can't wait to have it back!! It will be nice to come home, and feel like I am at home, not like I am in someone else's home. It will be so nice to not feel like I can only occupy my bedroom. It will be nice to have a bedroom that won't fit under a microscope...I am excited. This will probably be my last move in College Station...how exciting!! Although, I realized today, for the first time, that I will miss College Station. It has been such a great place to go to school. I am thankful for the time I have been given here and the amazing people I have been blessed to know here. :)

P.S. If you have any suggestions at where to look for housing for next year, let me know, I am defianately interested in suggestions!!

Saturday!!

It is Saturday!! You know what that means!! NO alarm clock! Oh the Joy!! I just want to comment on what a beautiful day it is out today. And it is so much warmer than it has been. You can actually go outside in just long sleeves and be comfortable.So the Newsboys are coming to College Station on April 11th. I am thinking about getting tickets...Does anyone else want to go? It might be fun to go to a concert in College Station...plus we get a student discount (if you are a student....)So now I am going to go do some homework...Have a magnificent day!!

Happy Valentines Day!!

Happy Valentines Day!!!
I love Valentines Day, even single. I think it is fun to see everyone wear red. I like to wear red too. I think that it is nice that there is a day that you get gifts just for being you. Who does not love that?

I love holidays in general. They are so great. Think about it...Christmas, New Year, Valentines, Easter, 4th of July, MY BIRTHDAY!!, and then Thanksgiving...what is not to love?!

So today, I have a Valentines day first. I have a test today. A calculus test. In exactly 30 minutes. I am blogging to calm myself. I struggle with test anxiety, especially in math. So hopefully prayer and blogging right before will prevent stress. We'll see.

After my test though, I get to go hang out with Jenn! This is probably the best test recovery method I have ever heard of. It will be great...there will be the making of chocolate covered strawberries. And then, lots of wonderful girls will come over and we will hang out and appreciate not being alone on Valentines Day, because Jenn is wonderful enough to have us over. Thanks Jenn!! :)

Valentines!!

Yea!! Valentines is two days away. :) My Valentines came early though.

This morning I got these beautiful pictures of Cami and Gage whom I love SO much. The best gift they have ever given me, and they have given me some REALLY GREAT gifts!

But, the best came this afternoon. If you know me very well, you know that my Dad and I haven't always had the best of relationships. It has gotten some better since I moved to College Station, praise the Lord!

Every year since I moved to College Station, my dad has sent me beautiful flowers for Valentines. I can not tell you how much I value these flowers. To me, these flowers really do say, or affirm "I love you." They say what so often I haven't heard. Yes, I am getting teary. I love that my dad does take the time to pick out such beautiful flowers for me. The picture doesn't do them justice! I love that my dad picked these out with me in mind. I love that my dad loves me enought to buy me beautiful flowers, to have my mom call and find out my schedule, so that these beautiful flowers can be delivered while I am at home. These flowers aren't normal; these flowers are special. They say "No matter what is going on, I love you enough to send you flowers and I want to let you know that. " Yea!

grapes....

So on Friday I bought some yummy seedless grapes at HEB. I just got around to washing them this morning...When I picked up the bag, guess what I found? I had gotten SUPER SPECIAL grapes!! Normally, when you buy grapes, you get several pieces of different bunches in a bag. Not this bag!! I got one whole entire bunch. It was amazing! It is HUGE. I took them out of the bag and washed them and only two small grapes fell off the entire time I was washing them. It is so cool to see how much stronger they are when they are in the setting they were made for. I like what this says about us too....

So true...

"For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body."
2 Corinthians 4:11

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."
2 Corinthians 4:16

"If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."
Galatians 1:10

Obedience. God has been training me in this. In the past, when I heard this word, I conjured a very narrow definition of the word in my mind. God has shown me that it is not enought to obey, I must obey with a joyful heart. I must continually die to the sin in my life, so that I may be renewed.I think now I am supposed to learn about living in obedience by faith...

"Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be BLAMELESS, innocent of great transgression. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,O Lord, my Rock and Redeemer."
Psalms 19:12-14

"Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my inquity, I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord' - and you forgave the guilty of my sin."
Psalm 32:5

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."
Psalm 32:8

"Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and MY HOPE IS IN YOU All DAY LONG."
Psalm 25:4&5
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -his good,pleasing and perfect will."
Romans 12:2

I have been amazed at what God has been teaching me. I am thankful that when I am hurting or struggling, I can go to His word and find my foundation. I love that I can always go to the stronghold of my life and find comfort and strength. What a blessing.

Weekend!!!!

So it is finally Friday!!! Yea!! Tonight Julie and i went grocery shopping and got the stuff to make "homemade (from a kit)" chili!! And we are now watching Pride and Prejudice!! Gotta love the girly movies. So we are going to do this and then the Pride and Prejudice series tonight and finish them tomorrow. How fun. I love chili. I am so excited. This is the first time I have made it on my own. My mom always makes it for me. It is certainly one of my comfort foods. Tomorrow should be great too. I am keeping the lovely Bacaks! And then I am going home to take and nap before Julie and I hang out and finish the P&P series and head to church. On Sunday I get to sleep late!!! Praise the Lord!! Then of course there is Her Hands that evening and I am sure that I will fit some homework and studying in there somewhere. I am soo incredibly thankful that the weekend is finally here. I hope that yours is wonderful!! :)

Oh the JOY!!!

Yea!! I am done with both of my tests!!! Two tests in one day can be rough...Just a second it sounds like my roommate is grinding up silverware in the disposal. Grr...Oh my...I just realized that Gilmore Girls just ended, and I forgot to record it!! HELP!!!!!!!! If you or ANYONE you know recorded it and would be kind enough to share I would appreciate it immensely. Especially since this was a HUGE episode apparently. I hope you had a good day!!

productivity

Praise the Lord for weekends!! I am thankful that we have a God who considers that sometimes we need "just a bit more time" to get things accomplished and to rest. I am thankful that, when he created the earth, he built in weekends. What a blessing. My most favorite part of weekends is getting to lay in bed for a bit. I love that twice a week, I don't have to jump out of bed at 7 a.m. Twice a week, I can wake up whenever I wake up, and when I do wake up, I have the luxury of just laying in bed for a bit. I can lay there and think about how much I love laying in my comfy bed with all my pillows and my great snuggly sheets and blankets. I can lay there and just enjoy beginning the day; my mind doesn't immediately have to rush to the 100 million things on the "to-do" list for the day. I can lay in bed and praise God for the beautiful day and for who he is and for the fact that for a bit, I can stay in bed!! I cannot tell you how much I value this time. There is very little that I value enough to miss this time for. I hope that when I get married my husband will understand this. Sometimes I just need to lay in bed, you know. Not that I am depressed, or that I am totally exhausted (although sometimes this is the case), it is just my time. I can read, pray, watch tv, sleep, or just think, or even lay there and do nothing but stare at the ceiling. I love the freedom, that all pressure is off, that it is just me and my comfy covers.

I say all of this, because I have been thinking about the whole "be quiet and know that I am God" thing. I have been trying to work on this. My bed is the place where I try most frequently to accomplish this. So, after lounging this morning, I have had a truly productive day. I think that the time I took to rest increased my productivity so much. There is no way I could have gotten all this done, or at least done this well, with such great results without the time to be quiet, to recharge before beginning the day. I hope that you get a chance to do this sometime this week. Have a great day!!

The disease has spread!!

So I have now got Julie blogging!! Go to her website http://juliecaroline.blogspot.com and see what she is up to! I love blogging. I am so excited that I get to share this with a friend!! Hopefully she will enjoy it as much as I do. It has been fun watching and helping her set up her new blog!! We have a new blogger!!

New Scientific Discovery!!

Just in, you are surely going to want to know what I read in my Biology book this afternoon!! According to the 'highly intelligent' people who put this book together, "crocodiles seem to be more closely related to birds than to other reptiles." Yes, I have seen MANY crocodiles floating around covered in feathers. Wait, crocodiles have teeth, right? (Most) Birds don't. Birds have wings, and what? That's right, crocodiles DON'T!

Even better, "fungi seem to be more closely related to animals than plants." That, my friend, seems to be like saying, yes, this is a tree, but no it is not related to any other plant life, because, don't you know, it is related to the non-existent space aliens. Yes, it is one of their long lost children.

Seriously, why am I paying $750.00 to be fed crap like this?? Are these people just trying to think of something to start some conversation? I just want to go ask them what hit them upon the head today, or when the last time they feel and broke their brain was.

Jenn, if you happen to read this, please promise not to teach these ridiculous things to Emma and Jax. I would hate to see them confused. Especially since Emma love animals so much.

Snow, oh the Snow!!!!

I talked to my Mom today. As I was walking across campus in the 50 degree weather. She delighted in telling me that it is snowing at home. Is it snowing in College Station? No, of course not!! She told me about how she got to sit and watch the beautiful snow fall last night. It made me a bit sad. Then, she calls me tonight, to say, "I am driving home in the snow"....it is so nice. All I have to say to THAT is why call just to flaunt that you get snow and I don't?

Now, I realize that in less than two years, I will probably have more snow on my hands than I know what to do with, but, nevertheless, it isn't fair. I want snow. Yes, I am coveting my Mom's snow.

Here's hoping you get some snow...or at least your equivalent of snow....

...

So, this week God has been reminding me that my life cannot be about me. It has to be ALL about HIM. I am called to be his obedient child. I am to obey with a joyful heart. He has reminded me that DELAYED OBEDIENCE is still DISOBEDIENCE. I am thankful that He has been using his word to "judge the thoughts and attitudes of the (my) heart. " I pray that he will continue to "uncover and lay bare" the things in my life that don't bring Him glory, that I do for my edification, to honor and please myself. I am praying that this semester, I will be prepared and transformed for God's call on my life. I am so thankful that we have a merciful God who intercedes for us, and wants to transform us. That he does not leave us to our own devices to find the way in life. I am thankful that his word is living and active and that his spirit is alive within me.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverence the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 12:1-3

Ode to the awe-inspiring dryer

Yesterday was an amazing day. I had work, school, hung out with the Bacaks :), and then went to Target. I believe at Target, a miracle of sorts happened.

Now, you must know that I have had the same blow dryer since I was in 5th grade. It still works great, but I was randomly pondering an upgrade. I had heard about this unbelievable hair dryer, so I thought I would see if it was as great as I had heard. So, I shelled out the $60.00 for the new hair dryer. I got home and tried it out. Let me tell you, there was some divine intervention going on with my hair. Not only does this dryer dry, it detangles, straightens and makes my hair shiny. I got 5 compliments the first two mintues I was at work today. Even with the dreary humid weather. This is something.

I must admit, for someone who loves to shop, I skeptical about spending 60 bucks on a dryer when I had a functional one at home. It is COMPLETELY worth it. This is such a good investment, I could see my mom paying me for it, just because I will be wearing my hair down more frequently. I mean this thing just had my name all over it.

So, basically I have been praising God for my new dryer ever since then.

Oh yeah, did I mention that it's pink??!!!

Beauty and the Beast on DVD

I have really been wanting to find Beauty and the Beast on DVD. Unfortunately, Disney is not currently selling it. The only place you can find it is online at Amazon or like sites. The problem with this option is that I would be spending more than twice what I the going rate for disney DVDs is ($20.00). Meaning that I would be spending close to $50.00 for this movie. Not gonna fly. Does anyone have any other suggestions on where to find this, one of my most favorite, Disney movies?

Also, I am looking for new ideas for my hair. If you have any suggestions, let me know!! I want something cute but easy. Thanks!!

Have a great day!!

Reality sets in...

So for the last eighteen months I have been over eager to graduate. I have been so ready to be done with college, and move on (probably to Boston). In the last months, God has been saying "slow down, this is your time of preparation for what I have for you. If you rush through this, you will miss so many blessings. Trust me. I am preparing you for something special. Rushing through this time will cause you to miss so much of what I am wanting to give you." I am starting to take the time to enjoy this season of my life. I am trying to not be so focused on the future that I neglect the present, or that I don't recieve it's full blessing. This morning, reality really began to set in. I know that I will not be here forever. College is temporary. I have known I was on the down hill slope. And I was so excited. Now I am excited, but I am becoming a little bit more aware that such a great chapter in my life will be coming to a close in less than two years.


If you know me very well, you know that I keep a little girl and a little boy named Cameron (Cami) and Gage A LOT. If you know anything about me, you know that I love kids. But these kids are so special to me. They are like my own children. I love them more than I could have ever dreamed of loving someone else's children. I have so much of my heart wrapped up in them. In the last two years I have learned so much about loving unconditional from them. I have learned about a parent's love. (Don't get me wrong, they are amazing kids, but they aren't perfect.) When you are around kids, as much as I am around them, it changes you. I laughing refer to my self as Steve and Wendy's "stand-in parent" because I spend almost as much time with their kids as they do. I take Cami to gymnastics, I can make things "okay" when they are hurt. I love it, but at the same time it breaks my heart that their parents don't spend more time with them. But, I love these kids. I would give anything for them.




In the midst of a conversation this morning, Wendy briefly mentioned that when I move she will have to find someone else to keep the kids. I felt my heart break. I can not imagine not being a part of Cami's and Gage's life. I have said for so long that the hardest part of me graduating and leaving College Station, would be having to leave Cami and Gage. How little I realized this would affect me. My heart is breaking.



I am thankful that God is teaching me to savor this time instead of just rushing through it and viewing it as something in the way of moving on...I don't want to love these kids less, but I certainly don't want my heart to break when I get on that plane to Boston. 'But he gives us more grace.' I know that wherever God calls me, eventually I will have to let go. And I will be blessed for my obedience. It still isn't easy. But, for now, I am thankful for the chance to be in College Station, involved with so many great people.

Productivity!!

Today has been really productive! Of course I had work and school, but afterwards I go so much done. I made a return, I made an exchange, I bought two new pairs of jeans, I bought some lip gloss at Bath & Body Works. I book a book, actually two books (two different places, one was a textbook). And to top it all off, I went and had four brand new tires put on my car!! Yea!! I came home, had supper, balanced the checkbook, washed and put away two loads of laundry, and now I am going to go do homework. (Not as much fun, but still productive!) I hope you had an amazing day.

New Semester Whirlwind

The Semester has officially started. It has been good so far. Yea!! I got off work a little early today, which was nice. I can get some stuff done! This afternoon will be really busy, so this is the perfect time. I am way excited about the pedicure I am getting this afternoon. For those of you who don't know me, this is one of my MOST favorite things!

Speaking of favorite things, I got home last night, and guess what was waiting for me? A big box from Sephora!!!! Yea with a HUGE smile!! I am loving my new makeup!! So fun. I was so glad to see the note saying it was waiting next door. I was afraid I would have to wait several days to get it...Anyway, I have to go run errands! Have a good day!!

Winter Weather

I am really loving this winter weather. It is so great. It has been so good to have a winter season this year. I am thankful. I love to see the way God works things out, the way he consistently provides. It is a blessing. I have loved seeing this at living hope in the last few months. I am so thankful for the wonderful relationships that I have made through living hope. I think this semester will be crazy, but I know God will see me through. I must admit I am not crazy about many of my classes, but I am going to choose to persevere. I can do all things, (even math), through him who strengthens me! Random thought: my toes are cold. I think I am going to put on some socks; but, not just any socks, my fuzzy pink socks!! :) Get excited! Okay, so I am going to go and take the two pretests I need to take for my math classes. Yay homework. (not so much...)
Night!!

Snowdays pictures....

So beautiful!!!

And this was the result!!

Snow!!

I am so thankful for this weather. It is amazing. I am loving that tomorrow is another 1/2 day off!! Yea!! How great!!

A REAL SNOW DAY!!

It is finally here! A "snow" day for me. We have real winter weather!! YEA!!! I am loving this. I have BIG plans for tomorrow!! Sleep in and have a pajama day!! Read the two books I bought this morning, and lounge in bed all day with my flannel sheets. I can not express my excitement in this matter. This is big. Big like bubble wrap, rain, shopping, pedicures, sleeping late, and school supply time. You should get excited too. I am going to get some homemade hot chocolate...let me know if you want the recipe. It is amazing... Night!!

Weather, School and Wonderings....

This is the final weekend before reality kicks back in....hmm. The weather is finally wintery (there is currently only nine degrees difference in the temp here and in Boston :) ) which is great. It is supposed to become more intense until sometime on Wednesday...which leads me to ponder the possiblilty (or honestly, the hope) that school will be closed on Tuesday...I guess we will just have to see what happens.

So this week has been good for me. I am finally having a sense of accomplishment. I feel like the effort I have put into school is starting to come together, and that I am getting close to the end. Praise the Lord. I have been studying Ester again recently, and I can't escape the knowledge that I am being prepared for something. I am called to be used "for such a time as this". It has been a blessing to see that things that I never thought I would care for become important and valuable to me. I always assumed that I would teach in suburbia for two, maybe three years, get married to an extremely successful man, and spend the rest of my life being the best wife and mother possible. Now, I have a growing passion for inner-city education. I still want the other things, the marriage, the family, but now, for this time, I am being prepared to teach. I look forward to it. But, I have also learned to enjoy this time of preparation. "Preparation and transformation lead to elevation and a passage to purpose." For that I am thankful.

Lost Puppy Story...

Okay, so today has been random... but AMAZING!! I got up early and went to go see my advisor, and PRAISE THE LORD, finally got all my stuff for this semester worked out!! Yea!! Then I went to get my oil changed, which only took about thirty minutes. Yea again. So the guy that helped me at the dealership was apparently really new. I felt sympathy for him. He so had the "lost puppy dog" feel about him. It was kind of cute, but I felt kind of bad for him too. He was soo eager to please and make a good impression and show that he really knew his stuff. I felt bad because he was working so hard. I mean he was practically bending over backwards to do everything right. I am so thankful that we do not have to be perfect. None of us could ever attain that standard. I just hope things go well for Matt in his new job. He has done a great job so far. I went to go get a snow cone and then went to the park to swing and eat it (simultneously!!) and it was great. Afterwards, I sat at a picnic table and enjoyed the beautiful day. It was so amazing just to be quiet before God. Today has been a complete blessing and I am so thankful. On that note, GIG EM!!

whew...

I can't believe we are already a week into January...crazy. It has been a bit crazy, but mostly a lot of fun. Today I went to the park for a bit to play with my new camera! Fun!! :) I enjoyed watching the ducks for a minute. It reminded me of the book 'Make Way for Ducklings'. Segway into the fact that I think I am going to postpone the spring break trip until this summer. I think the timing will be better then. I am going to keep praying about it though. We will see what happens.

One of the things I got for Christmas was The Little Mermaid on DVD. (VERY EXCITING :) ) Tonight I finally got to watch it, which was nice. It is by far my favorite disney movie of ALL time. I love it. The song part of your world is my favorite part. It describes so much of my life. It is the cry of my heart in so many ways. I am thankful that I am not home yet. I can't wait to see what it will be like though.

Do you ever have those nights when there are things or a thing bouncing around in your head, and quite probably your heart too, that keep you awake, or from getting a good sleep? They don't always have to be "bad" things, or stressful things, sometimes it is just "stuff". Last night was one of those nights for me. I was completely restless. There was no profound thoughts in my head, I just kept roving.

Hey, I have to go, but I hope you have a great week!!

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year!! It has been a great year so far. I haven't worked, I have seen my babies (which technically was work, but didn't seem like it), my Dad finally caved and got his own cell phone (YEA!!!), i have had lots of fun with my new camera, i have had several days of gilmore girl marathons (i got seasons 1 through 5 for Christmas), and tomorrow I am having lunch with a friend! Life is good. Tomorrow after lunch I think I will go and take pictures around campus and maybe other parts of town...Exciting. I am so excited about Boston. I am hoping to go over Spring Break with a friend. Can't wait. I will definately start scrapbooking after that...since I have put it off for about 5 years....This semester will be interesting. Hopefully it will end well. That is all I ask. That and that the summer end well also. After that it will all be down hill! Last night I was watching Gilmore Girls (gg) and it was thought provoking. I think one of the reason I love gg so much is that it lines up with my life a lot. Rory and I are the same age and some what on the same track. It is like seeing myself, my life, my world on the tv screen. I was watching the season three finale last night and thinking back to the night when I first watched that episode. The night that it premiered...It was weeks before my own graduation. I remember thinking "we're done" "it's over" and "Thank God that I finally finished" and I did thank God. Reliving that was nice. I thought for so long that high school would never end. But, it did. I have been feeling for so long that college will never end, but it will. Thank goodness. And I finished high school. In my world that is not a big deal (I mean I don't think I have even ever looked at my diploma)...it is like finishing kindergarten. Everyone does it and everyone expects it of you. Not doing it is not a possibility. It is simply a small stepping stone to what is coming next. But last night I realized how many people never get the chance to achieve that. And how many people are given the chance but just choose not to. So I am thankful for that small accomplishment. At least I have achieved something in my life. You know, so many people told me I would wish to be back in high school when I told them I couldn't wait for it to be over. I never have. I doubt that I ever will. And now, as so many people are telling me the same things about college, I wonder, will I miss this? What will I miss? I wouldn't want to skip high school, but I don't want to repeat it, and I think there is little, if any that I would change. It all brought me to where I am today. Looking back at my three and a half years of college thus far, I don't see anything I would really change either...Each of those experiences, even the painful ones, are shaping me, forming me. And, the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer. All that I can say about that is WHOOP!!

Snow day!!

I love snow days!! Okay, so there isn't really a snow day in TX today, but I kinda got one by windfall today. I have absolutely loved it!! Sleeping, resting, tv watching, it has been amazing!! Tonight I am going to a basketball game with friends. It will be AMAZING!! Yea!! Have a great day!

mmmhhhmmm....

So the few days since Wednesday have been AMAZING!!! i LOVE being done with finals. There has been much shopping, girl time, reading (for pleasure) and even a pedicure (they are the best!!) This evening I baked cookies and that was fun. The funny thing is I don't want to eat the cookies, I just wanted to bake. I think in a bit I will take a bubble bath!! :)

Okay, so I did not realize that it was possible to exist as a female without ever getting a pedicure. In the last three days, I have had at least four friends tell me that they have NEVER, I repeat never, had a pedicure. I was amazed. I know other women will agree. For the men out there, let me fill you in. Getting a good pedicure is practically a transcedental experience. Pedicures, manicures, massages and bubble baths are essential life experiences, things that keep us sane in the middle of utter insanity...for thirty minutes, you get to drop everything and the world revolves completely around you. I do not for the life of me understand how you could make it to 21 or older without having ever gotten a pedicure. At the very least, didn't you go to a prom or something?! I just wanted to tell my friends to pick up the phone and schedule an appointment ASAP. Oh well.

Christmas will be here soon and I am so excited!! I love Christmas! I just wish it would snow...In a few years I will live somewhere snowy though, so it is okay. It's a Wonderful Life is on tv...I baked today and I am relaxed. It is good. I am going to wrap the last of my Christmas gifts...Have a great night.

Yea!!

Yea!! It is over! I am done!! I have finally finished for the semester!! Whoop! I was so sure it would never arrive. Now I can breath. I just don't know where to begin. There are so many options... Fun is like a new concept...I love it.

thoughts...

So here are the random things floating around in my mind over the past few days....

If you don't already know, I love Christmas. Not a little, but a lot. It was starting to rain two days ago on my way to class. When I pulled into the parking garage, my windshield had the "perfect" sprinkling of little drops. Everytime I drove under a light it was amazing. It was like a million tiny twinkle lights were lighting up just for me...incredible.

Mmm...I love Oreos for sentimental reasons. My grandfather got me started on them. So I have recently changed my method of eating oreos. (if you love oreos, you know everyone has a method) I have started opening my oreo, eating half of the stuffing, eating the blank side, then eating the side with the left over stuffing. I don't know why, but this works great for me. How do you eat your oreos? And no, I don't mean with milk...(I don't like milk).

Ahh, the end of semester yuck is here. Looking forward to it ending. Really, Really looking forward to Christmas.

Today, I was driving with my sunroof open, because it is 70ish here today (sad), and all of the sudden there was this breeze that blew a bunch of leaves off the trees and of course some of them decided to visit my car...it was exciting.

Last, and most repetitively, I can not wait to move to Boston. I really really want to be there. I can't wait to live there. It will be nice to say I am done with college....

Merry Christmas!!! (I am sending out Christmas cards today!!)
P.S. I am so glad that we BEAT THE HELL OUTTA t.u. on Friday!! Whoop!

adoption...

Adoption...I have known for a long time that I want to adopt. Tonight I realized that on a much more serious level. I am not at an appropriate place in my life to do that now, but I am committing to adoption in the future. It is beyond my comprehension that there is a child out there, or there will be, that was created for me to parent. I don't know how you feel about God, but as a Christian, I believe that God has a very special plan for my life. To know that he created someone for me to love, to raise, to teach is incredible. It is such a huge responsibility, such a huge blessing. I can't wait to hold the one that He made for me to love. I can't wait to be a Mommy. I know it isn't the most glamorous job, but it is truly an invaluable opportunity. There is a song called "All I Really Want" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I can't imagine that first Christmas with my child. I know there will be no way to fully express my love. I can't wait.

Mmmm life is good!

I must say right now I am loving life. On that note, here are a list of things I love (listed randomly):
1. Snow
2. Having freshly painted fingers and toes
3. Bubble baths
4. Pedicures
5. Sunny days
6. Reading for pleasure
7. Traveling
8. Shopping
9. Teaching
10. Cameron and Gage ("my" kids that I keep frequently)
11. Love Songs (even though I don't have anyone to play them for)
12. Sleeping Late
13. Boston
14. Cuddling
15. Waking up in the morning and not having to rush off and having time to lay in bed for a bit
16. Decorating
17. My friends
18. Cooking
19. Christmas
20. My family
21. Gilmore Girls (or at least seasons 1-6 of GG)
22. Pink
23. Getting gifts
24. Hot chocolate
25. Long drives on beautiful Texas roads
26. Candles
27. Children's books
28. Being Loved
29. Saying 'I love you'...especially when it is returned
30. Bubblewrap
31. Coloring
32. Being creative
33. Aggie Football
34. Dr.Pepper
35. Baseball (Rangers and the Red Sox)
36. Texas A&M University!! Whoop!!
37. Movies
38. Being HOME
39. Sudoku
40. Being taken care of
41. "Mothering"
42. School Supplies
43. Classic Art
44. Going to the park to swing
45. Watching Stars at night...
46. Flip Flops
47. Rain
48. Pillows
49. Flowers (especially getting them!)
50. Dreaming
51. Dressing up
52. Naps
53. Coming home to a clean house
54. Pajamas
55. Purses
56. Shoes
57. Twinkle Lights
58. The way Cami's face looks when she says "I Love You"


That is all I have time for now, but maybe I will add more later! Have a great night :)

happy with me....

I think that at least once in their life, everyone wishes they were someone else. I have many times. Yesterday, I realized that I finally am who I have wanted to be for so long. Yes, there are somethings I would change, but none of them are truly important. I like who I am. I am in a good place. Things are not perfect, but they are good. I can certainly work with good. :) I like that I am good with who I am that I am finally who I want to be. Not who I think I should be, or who others think I should be. Its a good feeling. I am good with me no matter who is or isn't in my life. No matter what I am working on or where I am. I like that. Have an amazing night...

just wanted to say...

...That I think it is rude of my roommate to ask "why are YOU at home? ". Yeah... News flash, I live here too.

what?

I didn’t think I would every truly be at a loss for words. Until now. I am completely bewildered and don’t know what to think. This morning I got a message from someone I used to be close to but haven’t spoken to in over a year. Someone I never really expected to talk to ever again. I am shocked. I don’t really understand. Why now, why today? Why this morning? What changed? I wasn’t enough before why would I be now? I am so confused. I don’t understand why this is happening. What made her want to suddenly apologize and try and make things right? Is she just playing some kind of joke on me? Is she only doing this because someone else, like her parents, her sister or her fiancée, said she should? How do I know it is real and genuine? How can I trust her after so long? I am so completely blown away by this sudden communication that I truly am befuddled. I know that sounds stupid, but it is true…I just don’t know.

To end, I just want to say that it is amazing how much better time with friends can make you feel!! Yea! The rest of my night is going to be devoted to math....

Why are some people idiots??

A prime example for this is my roommate. She has no common sense. Really. I know she is in college, but she is just dumb. I look at her when she talks and wonder, "do you know what is coming out of your mouth? Do you know how stupid you are making yourself sound??" AHHHHHHHHH!! There are really no words to express my frustration. This are what I can express now...
1. leaving coffee in the coffee maker until it molds and I find it is DISGUSTING and INEXCUSABLE.

2. bring a pet that I am allergic to into the house is not okay.

3. Don't leave wet clothes in the washer for long periods of time...they get NASTY and other people need to use the machine...

and finally...
4. STUPID if it is cold outside, OF COURSE the air condition isn't going to run, which will OF COURSE lower the electricity bill.

She is such a genius. I don't think I have met many people with her level, or lack thereof, of understanding...seriously. Use your brain that is why God gave it to you.

Moving on. I went shopping today!! Whoop!! New clothes are always great. I am loving that Christmas is getting so close!! Have a great day!!

Today I met a really nice guy. We flirted. He asked to sit next to me during the production we were waiting for. We sat together. And in the middle of the production (for lack of a better word) I cough and cough...I hate having a cold. Anyway, I would be willing to bet he would have asked me out if I had not coughed up a right lung. Sad. I hate that I missed that chance b/c I couldn't help being sick.

Now I am going to go write a paper on social injustice....Have a nice day.

Today...

Today was crazy....I went to work and I swear to you that someone gave the kids like a million sugar cubes each. Our kids usually just sit around and polish their halos. Today I think they could have run a 26 mile marathon and still had way to much energy to sit still for even 2 seconds without flailing about and screaching in a high pitched wail. After work I came home and took a nap which was amazing. I really need to regain some sanity after being in the "war zone". I went and bought a new tv tonight since my other one died. Way exciting!! Even better, I had one of my friends and her husband help...well basically, Josh did all the work...It was great. He even threw the old one away for me. Anyway, I am going to go. Have a great night!!

Goodbye Dr Gates...

I got an email in my inbox this morning that made me very sad. Dr. Robert Gates is leaving his position as President of Texas A&M University. I love Dr. Gates. Although he did not graduate from A&M, he is a true Aggie. There is a saying among Aggies, "From the outside looking in, you can't understand it; From the inside looking out, you can't explain it." Dr. Gates has managed, in four years, to do what millions do not accomplish in a lifetime. He came as an outsider and got it. He is a true Aggie. It hurts my heart to think of A&M without Dr. Gates. I realize that he is leaving to serve our country, but a part of me wants to be selfish and keep him right here in Aggieland. I deeply admire his integrity and commitment for standing up and fighting for what he believes in. I love that he as a president of this university fought for us as students, not just the fiscal interests. I could go on forever. Basically, Dr. Gates (he will always be Dr. Gates to me) is amazing and this country is unbelieveibly lucky to have him in its service. Aggieland is a better place because of him and will miss him immensely. Go Gig 'Em Dr. Gates!! We love you! Whoop!!

P.S. I am sorry for my freak out the other day. That is my one big fear and I sort of let it get out of control momentarily. I know I will never be able to be enough for my students. I just hope that I can help them to be better people, help them to have a better life than they would have had without having met me.

What then???

Today, in one of my classes, my professor came in upset. Apparently someone in my class has made some accusations that are completely off base. Stupid things like claiming we were given 4 walks, when really we've only had one. The fact that this one walk was due to intense illness on the part of my professor apparently was of no consequence. Due to these pathetic "charges" my professor is in trouble. She is really a great prof and does her best to teach us what we need to know with out boring us to death. I can't imagine why anyone would complain. If you have been to college, you know that most people are ready to get out of class ASAP. Especially if the class lasts for three hours. I am thankful that I have profs who understand that and try to keep the class as unboring and relative as possible. I don't comprehend how the person could have benefited from sending these unfounded emails out. Why be so mean?

I think I am so concerned about this because I have chosen to become a teacher myself. I know that I might, and probably will, have to deal with parents and maybe students like these. This breaks my heart. Why should people create issues where there are none? Why persecute someone just because you don't like them or their personality? Maybe this is some sort of profession prejudice...It scares me that I can do all that can possibly be done for students and still have parents say that I don't do my job correctly or that I am not doing my job at all. What do you do then? "Teacher instinct" says self evaluate, get peer evaluations and if everything is right forget it and move on; if it isn't, fix it and move on. I know that that isn't always good enough in the real world. What do you do when it isn't enough? When you have poured all of yourself into something completely and it isn't enough, isn't good enough, what then? This scares me to death. I think that that is my biggest fear in regard to teaching; the fear that I won't be enough, won't be effective enough for my students. That I will in some way fail them as an educator, as a protector, as someone who truly has their best interest at heart. What if I am not enough?

This stinks...

So I come home tonight after a LONG day (school, school, work, substitue parenting) and turn on my tv for some background noise while I do homework. Things are great for like ten minutes and then my tv goes mute. I figure it is an issue with my cable and it will fix itself in a bit and continue to work. After fifteen minutes I realize it still has not come back on and that there is no sound on any of the channels. Turning off the tv sounds good. Until it doesn't come back on...so now, there is not only no sound, but no picture....I have had the tv for a year give or take a month....AAARRRGGGHHHH. Apparently I will be going to buy a new tv soon...or asking my parents to go buy one...Stink!!

I think I am probably most upset by this "event" due to the fact that I am not feeling well and was really looking forward to taking some benadryl and watching a movie in bed before falling into the drug induced coma. Sad.

Thoughts on the weekend...

Okay so this weekend was crazy...
My thoughts are...
1. Yea! I got to wear my new scarf on Friday!!
2. I am also excited about having gotten a haircut on Friday!
3. I am not excited about the small tidbit of hair that fell into my right eye and caused major problems...
4. Christmas shopping!!...Enough said!!!
5. Exhaustion!!
6. I hate it when creepy salesmen hit on you...
7. I love my Mom, but I am not so fond of the cold or whatever she gave me over the weekend...

All in all, it was a good weekend. I was glad to go home and see my Mom and youngest brother, although I wish I could have seen my Dad (Opening weekend is a standing appointment however...). So, now I am tired after driving the four hours back to CS in the rain and yuck. I hope you have an amazing week!!

Bubblebath!!

There is something amazing about bubblebaths....They are so nice. I don't care what your day has been like or what is on your mind, a bubblebath can take it away...Taking a bubblebath makes you feel so decadent and feminine...In a way that probably nothing else can do. I don't know what it is about seeing painted toenails poking out of a million bubbles that makes you feel girlie, but it does...

Anyway, moving along. I bought my first scarf of the year yesterday!! I am so excited about winter and Christmas this year. I hope that it gets cold enough in Texas that I will be able to wear a scarf. I don't know what it is about winter in general and Christmas specifically that is so enthralling to me. I think it is just the magic of it all. I mean someone being born to die for me. It is the best time to cuddle. The snow is so beautiful and enticing. I think maybe I love this time of year so much because it is when I feel closest to being a child again. I get to do all the adult stuff too, but it is okay to have a child's heart at Christmas. I have an especially childlike heart. I get so excited by the most simple things. "Fun" pens, Christmas lights, snow, bubblewrap...The list is really long. I am such a child at heart. I get to be most like my true inner self at Christmas. I am myself all year long, but I think I just dig a bit deeper into myself at Christmas time, like I find something that isn't there the rest of the year. I am swept away by the magic. I love the feeling that it is Christmas and there is hope and safety and peace and that you are loved by so many people. It is breathtaking. I think I am in love with Christmas...

Have a great night!

Happy Friday!!

Happy Friday! So glad it is finally here. I have company coming in for the weekend and studying to do, so I am sure it will go by all too quickly, as usual. Get excited!! Christmas is coming!! I have three gifts and some stocking stuffers left to buy. At least I already know what I am getting for the gifts and I have all of the gifts that I have already bought wrapped and labeled!! Whoop!! I am so excited!! And it seems like we might actually have a winter here this year! I bought some new flannel sheets today in anticipation of this. Very Exciting!! I was just contemplating possibly buying a REAL winter coat (which is extremely rarely necessary) but I would like to have one for future and if I get an opportunity to wear it once or twice this year, then so much the better. And I predict that I will get to wear my really cool, extremely long, maroon scarf too! I am really looking forward to that...Anyway, company's here so have a great weekend...I hope you get to sleep in cause I won't get to... :( Sad Day.... Night!

oddly enough....

So, I wore a pair of incredibly uncomfortable shoes to observe in this morning, due to the shoe comment...I got out of my car at the school and as I walked up to the building, the bottom part of both heels starts disintegrating....apparently that was payback for mentioning the "silent expectation"....I don't know, but it sucked...have a great day!

Shoes....

I have been a girl for my entire 21 years, but this morning I had a startling revelation. Apparently, it is expected that if you are to wear a shoe with heels you must be in an ungodly amount of pain. I realized this when I thought back on something that happened exactly one week ago (give or take a few hours). I was observing and a little girl looked at me as I passed by her desk, and asked me "Why do you always wear those shoes?" (In my defense I have only observed 4 times and they are my FAVORITE black strappy heels, which I don't wear frequently.) So I tell her that I wear them because they are my favorite, because I have finally managed to find a cute shoe that doesn't kill my feet, even after 3 hrs of walking around her classroom. What does she do? Looks at me like I am crazy. So apparently, heels are supposed to be painful. Why doesn't someone just realize women would be much happier if their feet didn't hurt constantly.

Rain...

It rained again today. It was nice. So I have recently begun to realize that "adult life" is beginning. I have started thinking about things like life insurance and savings. Things that my parents took care of until now. Thankfully I don't have to worry about medical insurance or car insurance yet, but I will within a few years. No, I don't currently have a life insurance policy (my parents have one for me) but I have started to realize building my savings is important. Life is a lot of big choices. How do you ever know for sure that you have made THE right choice? Not just a good choice, but the best possible choice? I don't know. I have only felt absolutely certain of that twice.

Saturday ramblings....

Hi! It is Saturday!! Yea!! So I must say, I am having a horrible time with my math 142 class...I feel like I am drowning. It is good to get that out finally but still hasn't solved the problem. :( Sad Day. As a "future educator" I am most definitely a History/Lit person. I basically really struggle with math and don't find science pleasant in the least. It just doesn't completely click, I can never remember it, for some reason. I don't know why. I am not an unintelligent person. I am not DaVinci or Einstein, and I doubt that I would qualify for a membership in MENSA; but I am not stupid. So, it completely discourages and frustrates me that I can't "get" math....Yahhhhhh... So this morning I once more played the role of "stand-in parent" and took Cami to gymnastics at the Flip-Flop Factory. It wasn't bad. And Steve payed me very well for getting up early and taking her. That was nice. I am enjoying fall. It has been really nice so far...it has come at the most opportune moment for me too. And, of course, it makes me constantly think of Boston (as if I don't anyway...) Okay, seriously it is ridiculous how long it takes me and the majority of my friends to come up with some place to eat...I mean come on....It has been 30 mins since we started discussing this and still haven't made a decision...Moving on... So sometime this week I am going to be calling a lady from the BTR. I am excited and a bit nervous too. I hope I can remember all of the things I want to ask and get some helpful information in return. I really want this to work out. You know, now that I think about it, there are a lot of things in my life that I really want to work out. That is what I like about being 21. There is a life full of possibilities in front of me. I have the opportunity to see things work themselves out right in front of me. I like that. I just need to learn a bit of patience to make the journey more enjoyable. Have a great weekend.

Mmmmm....

Today was so much better than yesterday!! Whoop for that. I briefly played in the rain this afternoon. It was great. I wish I could have spent more time out in it, just enjoying life. It was nice and very refreshing. And now I am about to watch a movie!! I must say I love netflix. Kudos to whomever came up with the idea. However, I am sure the money they are making is saying that quite clearly. Anyway, I am going to go watch a movie and listen to the rain. :)
Night!

Bad Day

Today, my day lived up to Daniel Powter's song "Bad Day". This morning was really good actually, apart from the huge hovering disagreement between my roommate and I. Then this afternoon after class, I step out of the elevator in the garage to walk to my car, and right in front of my car, a girl had just been hit. I mean JUST been hit. I got there before the UPD and the EMS...It was so scary. I watched them take care of the girl and fill out the reports, and finally, clean up all the bloody mess left behind...I sat and watched the driver of the car, crying hysterically, on the verge of a break down. It basically rocked my world. I have always harbored this illusion that I was safe on campus, maybe not anywhere else, but surely on the campus of Texas A&M University, I was safe. No harm could befall me there, right? Talk about shattering a dream....I am still overwhelmed by what I saw... And then to top it off, I find out we have "uniforms" to wear to work now...to work with kids...two shirts to last all week..Seriously. I don't know. I am just so overwhelmed by this afternoon. I sincerely wish tonight, that I was in a relationship, because I desperately need to be held. I want to cuddle and forget everything else. I want to leave school, and work, and mainly, freak accidents behind. I want to forget it all and just be close to someone I love.

Rain is great!

I love rainy days! They are usually the best. (unless it means you must walk across all 5 miles of campus....which turns into mudfest...). Today is a rainy day. I got completely soaked running to my car after work. It was great. Granted, I am not in love with being totally soaked all the time, but when it is raining, its okay, as long as you can change quickly. Anyway, I am so excited about the rain I just wanted to share! I hope your day is as great as mine.

Yay!!

So I did my advising for this spring and was so happy to have finally nailed down an official final graduation date!! Whoop!! I am so ready to move! I heard on the radio today that it will be snowing in Boston by the weekend. I wish I was there!! I am so ready to graduate so I can teach and be in the real world, not the college world, even though college is fun!

Finally!!

Okay, so I have been going on and on about how far away graduation seems, for what seems like an eternity. Finally I have found something that makes me feel better, more ahead in the game. This weekend I had a friend from home staying with me because she wants to come to A&M. She graduated from high school in may of this year. She is so excited about coming down here, just like I was. It was like seeing me three years ago. Seeing her as a freshman, I do feel I have accomplished a lot and like graduation probably isn't that far away. FINALLY!!! I didn't think I would ever feel this way. I am so thankful!! Have a great day!!

Ruminating...

Hey! So I went to dinner with the girls tonight...such fun. When I got home, I had a friend request waiting on facebook. A friend from a long time ago. His sister and I used to be really good friends. So I went to check out his myspace page and of course she is there too...She is married now and expecting, and extremely blessed. I have so many people that I knew from highschool that are now married and either have kids or will soon. I am so happy for them. I am glad they are happy, at least I hope they are. But there is always that tug that says "I want that too". Usually I just push it away, but tonight I am going to let it linger. It makes me sad that there isn't anything I can do to make it happen. It is amazing how complicated and multi-layered human emotion is. I truly want to be married. I want to have children. I want to be a mommy. I want someone to hold me, someone to support me. At the same time, I realize now probably isn't the time for it. I know that if that came now, my life would be completely different that what it would be other wise. I suppose to an extent that this is true of whatever age you marry, but it seems that the last 3 years and maybe the two is when that will be most true. Amazing huh. It is like a war inside myself...the urge to be in a relationship, to be married vs. the sensible decision to wait. I don't understand and can't explain. Although, since I don't really have guys just lining up to ask me out, the issue is more an issue of desire than reality...I don't know, all I know is that tonight is one of those night that I just want to be held...
Have a great night.

Lesson Plan...Whoop!!

Hey!! I am so excited!! I just finished writing my first lesson plan that I will actually be able to use once I graduate!! Whoop!! I mean this is the real thing; it has standards and everything! I feel so accomplished right now. I am so proud of myself. I can do this. I can be a teacher!! Yea!! Let me just say WHOOP and GIG EM AGGIES!! Night!!

One year...

One year ago today, I woke up at 5:30, quickly dressed and drove to the airport with my parents. I got on the plane, excited that, at the age of 20, I was flying for the first time. I was excited about the week I would be away from school, the week I would have a break. I got to have a vacation/happy 20th birthday trip. Little did I realize over the 3 hours and 45 minutes that I was on that plane, that my life was about to change. I got on the plane with the mindset that I would never want to live anywhere but the Dallas metroplex....When I got back on the plane a week later, all I could think was I want to live here...in Boston. It was amazing...From the moment I stepped off the plane in Logan, I felt completely at home, relaxed, comfortable. Walking around town I was at home...I was a tourist, but I didn't so much feel like one. I felt like I had some time off at home. Like I had a few days off of work...It was amazing. I can't tell you how many times I said to myself, as I walked around alone, i can see me living here...It was so me. So I must say, that I am sad that it has been an entire year since my trip, but at the same time I am not sad b/c I am one year closer to living there. I am one year closer to being back there again, before I move there. It makes me sad that when I am there again more than a year will have passed since I was there last. It is almost like being away from family for a whole year....

Have an amazing night...Sweet dreams...I know I will be dreaming about Boston...

Fall has come!!

Fall is here!! Yesterday was the quientessential fall day. I am talking fall in BOSTON day!!!! There was a perfect breeze it was cool and overcast...Basically it was completely amazing. One year ago tomorrow I was up early getting on a plane and flying to Boston. I never would have guessed how much that trip would change my plans for my future...I must say, I am in love...can you be in love with a place? I don't know, but I am. Whoop for Boston and fall!!! I can't wait to get there. :)

Roommate complaints...

Complaints I am lodging against my roommate:

• She is eating my food (without asking or bothering to letting me know)
  
• She is drinking my bottled water (again without asking or letting me know)
  
• She is coming in my room and borrowing what she pleases when I am not here (without asking)
  
• She is always giving me way more information that I care to have
  
• She asked me for money....which is completely unacceptable.....
  
• She can never turn anything off...the coffee maker, the tv, all the lights in the house....because of this, our electric bill was 300 dollars this month....
  
• When she borrows (without asking) my dvds, she doesn't hesitate to open the ones that even I haven't watched (the ones still wrapped in plastic)....
  
• Her stupid cat has fleas
  
• She feeds her stupid cat tuna and it smells up the WHOLE house and then she just leaves it sitting out for days...so disgusting....
  
• She expected me to pay for utilities that she incured before I moved in....I won that one....
  
• She walks around naked and seems to find it impossible to shut her door when changing...
  
• When I first moved in and her boyfriend came over, she "banished" me to my room....
  
• I have no room in the panty or the refrigerator or the freezer...apparently since she lived here a year before I moved in, I am not entitled to any space for food storage, but she, however, is more than welcome to my food....
  
• She ALWAYS has laundry in the washer, dryer, and on top of both...and I do mean at ALL
  times.... therefore doing laundry is a total insanity...
  
• She recently spilled BRIGHT PINK nail polish on our white carpet and doesn't care to try and clean it....so we now have hideous bright pink carpet...
  
• She thinks that personal maintance, such as buffing her heels and scraping the bottoms of her feet in the middle of our living room carpet is perfectly acceptable...
  
  That is all for now....

Favorite Quotes

"Aww Man" (with hanging head) - Jace upon being told he would have to leave the center if he couldn't keep his inside voice.

"potato head doesn't eat you."
-monica in reference to one of the kids trying to eat mr. potato head pieces...

"now, sir, are you animal, vegetable, or mineral?" - the magician's nephew

"hold on, let me think of something funny!!" - beth

"I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met." Dermot Mulroney in the Wedding Date

" I could more easily forgive his pride if he had not wounded mine." Elizabeth Bennet from the movie

Me: "Who's Cameron are you?"
Cameron: "Manda's Cameron! :) "

Cameron (imitating me) again: "Wash, wash, wash"
and again "we sit on our bottom".

Today (Valentine's) Cameron walked up to me and said "Happy Valemties Day. Are you my Valemtine?"

A preschooler to another preschooler in an Aggie outfit:
"Are you a Texas A&M girl?"

A conversation between me and a little girl at school:
"My balloon popped"
Me: Why did it pop?
"Because the air came out"

"I went to the dentist and he put lots of seals in my teeth, but not the kind that go "arf arf""

"I love you." - Cameron :)

"Night Manda" - Cameron

Ok, so cameron was walking down the hall with her mom and saw me and waved. They went into her class for a minute and when the came out i had gone into the breakroom. I hear, from down the hall, "she must be missing, ms. amanda is missing!" So I stuck my head out and she was so excited to see me again which made the day worth all of the effort i have exerted!! Let me tell you, when Cam smiles the world lights up. It is incredible.

sometimes life just isn't fun

Sometimes life just stinks....Today is definately one of those times.....I'm not happy. Stinky things keep happening...

Tonight I want to cry...

So since I can write this was a huge probability that no one will read it, I will go ahead and say everything on my mind....I am tired. I am frustrated with my roommate. I am mad that she ate my food and didn't even ask. I am sad. I'm not even sure why. I am tired of being in school. I am discouraged and frustrated. I want to be done and teaching. I want to be in Boston. I want to be in a relationship with an amazing guy. I want to fall in love. I wish I had more money. Being a broke college student really sucks. I want someone to hold me. I want someone to be interested in me. Not because it benefits them to, but because they find me interesting, fascinating even. I want the great love of my life not to be someone that exists only in my dreams. Right now I just want to walk away from it all...Every bit of it...I just want to leave and start somewhere else. Somewhere where it doesn't matter like it does here. Somewhere where I have someone to love me and for me to love.

Good night...

Let's Go RANGERS Let's Go!!

So last night I went to the Rangers game! Whoop!! I had a great time. I went with my parents and some friends... lots of fun. It just so happened that the Red Sox were playing the Yankes at the same time. Of course I have to comment of this and cheer on the Red Sox as well as the Rangers. So there is this guy who is like ten years older than me sitting in front of me and to my right one seat. And so we basically talked all night. It was fun. He was the "successful businessman"...it was good. After the game there was an AMAZING fireworks show. My friend and I decided that it would have been the perfect date ...the fireworks were so beautiful. So I was hoping the guy would leave me his number, but that was just wishful thinking... :( . The Red Sox ending up losing that game, but the Aggies won our game that day and the Rangers won and there were fireworks!! It was a great night :) You have a great night!!!

why I love Boston...

One of my friends just asked my what it is about Boston that I love so much. I thought this was a very good question, and put a lot of thought into my response. I wanted to share it with you.

i love the atmosphere the attitude of the city...have you ever heard my story about when i came to visit A&M? I knew immediately that this was where I belong, where I needed to be. I had a total and complete peace. It was just right. I have only had that feeling with such absolute certainty 4 times in my life. You just know, without a doubt, that is where you are supposed to be. When I was in Boston, it was like I finally got home, after twenty years, I was finally home. It was so right. You know how when you go on vacation you love it and you have a great time, but the last night you are like "i can't wait to get home and sleep in MY bed!" And when you get home, it is just sooo nice to be home, not because vacation was bad, because it was great, it is just so good to be home. That is what boston is for me. It is like coming home.

I can not fully explain in words what Boston is to me, but this is about as close as it comes. This is me getting about as real as it gets.

Five Years

So today is five years since my Grandfather died of cancer. I can not believe that it has been five years. At first it seemed like I just hadn't seen him in awhile be he would come over soon. Now, it isn't like I have forgotten him, but it is more like he isn't missing from my life anymore. Like my life has been rearranged and restructured and the gap is gone.(or at least made more easily hidden. It is hard to believe it has been five years. I still can't wrap my mind around it...

Today in class we talked about professionalism. Let me tell you, it seems like it get from all sides 24-7. For those of you out there who don't think that teachers are professionals or that professionalism is part of being and educator, you are way out of the loop. I would argue that teachers are required to be more professional than any other profession. Teachers must be so professional that it must be part of their persona. It has to become part of who they are. They must be professional all the time, not just during office hours. As a teacher every thing you do is scrutinized. There is always the possibility that someone who knows you is watching. It is a very large responsibility.....Anyway, I have to get back to class. Have a great day. :)